Merry .... Whatever

I don't enjoy Christmas. I never have. I cannot remember a time I enjoyed Christmas since I was 10 or so.
I have a very poor sense of what people would like, so I live in constant agony of how much people will hate what I spend time and money on buying them. (I actually have a collection of things I've given people that I've found [sometimes years] later, some of them UNOPENED, that they were giving away or left where they moved or some thing.)
I absolutely detest driving during the holiday season. I detest how other people - MOST of whom are out buying things to give as gifts - act. In my opinion this is the most selfish time of year!!!
I don't like how we are close to broke most of the year, but when we get a little extra cash it goes mostly to decorations that I don't even care about that much (the Mr LOVES Christmas).
I don't enjoy the feelings of obligation other people experience.
I am perfectly aware that Christmas was derived from a "pagan" celebration, but it is still considered a Christian holiday. People go out and buy for loved ones but for the rest of the year they ignore the homeless and the abused...and quite frankly that makes me sick.
Not only that, but I consider myself in a deeply committed relationship with God and I firmly believe Christ was the ultimate gift and that He died for us to be able to have that relationship...and I don't enjoy Christmas in today's highly commercialized form, while literally every atheist I know absolutely adores this holiday. That doesn't make sense to me.

I don't know, maybe if I had a job and could contribute to worthy charities, or maybe if I was involved in an actual church again I could enjoy Christmas more. Maybe if the transition of autumn into winter didn't make me so depressed I'd like it better, or maybe if I surrounded myself with different people... I don't know.
I just don't enjoy it. I'm glad my kids like it, but I'm afraid they like it for the same superficial and selfish reasons the majority of people around here like it, and I feel separated from everyone since I'm not into it.
I certainly hope YOU ALL are enjoying your holiday.
In the meantime I will get through this season and will start feeling better around New Year's Eve.

LONG time, no see

This year has been dreadful. Probably the worst year we've had in a long time, although maybe it just SEEMS that way because of how awesome the two years before it were. I don't know. We've been pretty effectively broke all year, which is no fun at all. I've been looking for a job for over a month now and no one has even offered me a job yet. It's hard to keep a positive outlook during all this.

As fall has settled in our area of the world (and winter is soon to follow), I have had to get ready for much colder temperatures. I am very nearly literally allergic to the cold. My skin breaks out in severely itchy hives and then it cracks like broken glass and I bleed a lot.

It's starting already!!

mini-hives on my hands

hives on my fingers

my knuckle splitting (painfully)

See the little red bumps?? They itch INSANELY. Also my very first crack.
So I have to get into the habit of wearing gloves no matter what, and using my super-lotion at least three times a day. The lotion doesn't prevent the hives, but instead of cracks that bleed my hands will just turn red.

I'm already looking forward to Spring.