It's that time of year:

December is the BUSIEST month of the YEAR for us!!! So naturally I don't have a lot of time to blog. Not that I'm doing anything really worth blogging about.

I'm not sure if it's because we're in a new house, a cleaner house, a warmer house, I haven't been sick in about a year, or maybe it's because I've been exercising every day, but this is the first year I've been kind of excited about Christmas in a long, long time.

I generally don't like Christmas, and I really haven't liked it since I was 13. I find it way too commercialized, I find it the holiday of the selfish people, I hear horrible stories of people who feel so much pressure to buy junk for their family that they feel forced to steal to make ends meet. All my atheist friends think Christmas is by far the best holiday of the year (which I find rather ironic considering that Christmas is supposed to be a celebration of Christ). Since I moved to Illinois it's also the time that we have had to go out driving to see family in the worst driving conditions of the year.

You ask most kids why Christmas is their favorite holiday and they don't say anything about Jesus, it's almost always "Cuz I get presents."

I will admit it's nice to get things and it's nice to buy things for the kids and friends and families, and since I've had kids it's pleasant to experience their excitement, but I feel like you should get things for your loved ones and not-so-loved ones more than just one month out of the year. Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. That's just who I am.

Since I was 13 I have told people they don't need to get me presents, and that's still true. People laugh it off or outright ignore me because they think it's a plea for attention or that if Christmas morning came and I had nothing I would hate everyone for not buying me presents. That's just not true. If I woke up Christmas morning and didn't have any presents, I would still enjoy the kids opening their gifts. Still, I stopped beating that dead horse a long time ago. I always keep a list of things I would want for when the day comes when I'm asked what I want. Right now that list only has three things on it. Of course, it's really easy to keep me happy. Gimme a cool pack of playing cards and I'm just thrilled. Or shoes. You can never go wrong with shoes LOL. Let's not forget my horrible hoarding of books.

Anyway, USUALLY (since I moved to Illinois, anyway) once the leaves start changing colors I start going through a depression. It has been extremely bad in the past (needed small forms of therapy), but generally these days I can deal with it on my own. I have done some wallowing but in general my depression has been a physical thing, nearly an entity. I can usually recognize it for what it is and deal with it in a way where it doesn't disrupt my daily life.

This year I can feel it hanging around....it's almost like it's an arms-length away but I can keep it pushed back. But it hasn't gotten any kind of hold on me. I'm very grateful for this.

It's taken me to a whole new awareness of Christmas. Usually I'm stressed about this time of year and my part in perpetuating the commercialism. But this year I keep wandering around my new house with all my old decorations and a couple new ones, including a wonderful new 7-foot tree that a friend gave us, and I feel what can only be described as good old-fashioned Christmas cheer. I've been getting a warm, snuggly sensation in my stomach. I've been wrapping presents and thinking of how happy the kids will be with their gifts. I'm touched by the season for the first time in over two decades.

That's enough of a present for me!

And even better, my dad agreed to what I've been asking for since I was 15. Instead of buying me a present, he's going to make a donation to one of the charities on my list. He did something similar last year and this year I sent him a whole list of charities and what the money would be doing. It made me very happy.

Merry Christmas!