When do the good things come?

I have a very close friend who's father in-law is at death's door. He found out he had cancer this year and we are told he won't live to see Christmas. My friend and I both are torn between wishing for this man - we will call him EJ - do die quickly and therefore not suffer any more and wishing for a Christmas miracle and that he could live at least another month. We both realize that we want him to live for selfish reasons. My friends husband, EJ's son, is devastated at the prospect of his father's immenant death. If EJ dies now his son will be a wreck and every single Christmas from this one on will be nothing but misery for him. We love him dearly, but he is not one to hide his emotions and usually when he is miserable, everyone else around him is miserable as well.

My mother died when I was eight years old. I am still not completely over it and I am now 31. My friend's husband is the same as I am in many ways and I just know he will never get over the death of his father.

At the same time I hate talking about EJ as if he's already dead. He is not a chatty guy but I've known him 11 years and I consider them very good friends and not just my friend's in-laws. I've been to their house a hundred times and even their autistic child, Brad (now 25) knew me as a friend. I wish he could live longer, but I don't want him or his loving wife to suffer any more. His wife JJ just got over cancer herself last year and I can't imagine what she's going to do without her husband and a completely empty nest.

The worst part is how helpless I feel. I cry a lot and I try to be there for my friend (I guess we can call her TJ and her husband MJ), but I can't even reach her husband. This is all so awful. I hope one day I die quickly (and hopefully in my old age) so my kids don't have to suffer this much. It's heartbreaking to not be able to do anything at all except sit around and watch someone you love die. And this has to be the absolute worst time of year EVER to have to go through such an ordeal.

I'm still torn - a Christmas miracle and he lives? Or he finds peace and ends his suffering now?

All I can do is just be here.